NEW YORK, NY, July 24, 2007 -
A public school teacher was arrested todayat John F.Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flightwhile in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said hebelieves the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement .
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us" , Gonzales said. "They desire solutions bymeans and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search ofabsolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a commondenominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are three sides to every triangle'.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given 'us more fingers and toes. White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.